Any Good Bodhran Jokes? (Bodhran players need not apply). 🙂

Any Good Bodhran Jokes? (Bodhran players need not apply). 🙂

Just for fun! dont take it to heart you sensitive "musican". 🙂

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Re: Any Good Bodhran Jokes? (Bodhran players need not apply). 🙂

What’s the difference between a bodhran and a bomb? By the time you hear one, it’s too late to do anything about it.

Re: Any Good Bodhran Jokes? (Bodhran players need not apply). 🙂

Oh rats, I meant similarity of course!

Re: Any Good Bodhran Jokes? (Bodhran players need not apply). 🙂

You don’t need bodhran jokes. Just listen (not for too long - it hurts) to any bodhran player. They are the joke personified.

Re: Any Good Bodhran Jokes? (Bodhran players need not apply). 🙂

http://www.ceolas.org/instruments/bodhran/jokes.shtml

Fellow walks into a pub in Belfast with a plastic bag under his arms.
The bartender asks "What’s that?"
"Six pounds of semtex", he answers.
"Thanks be to Jaysus; I thought it was a bodhrán!"
——————————————————————————————————-
A bodhran player was sick of the band abusing him, and decided to start his own. He walked into a music shop, planning to buy the first instruments he saw.
"Give me the red saxophone and that accordion!", he said.
The assistant said, "You play the bodhran, don’t you?"
"That’s right. Why?"
"Well, the fire exinguisher I can sell you - but the radiator stays.
——————————————————————————————————
What do you call a groupie who hangs around annoying session musicians?

A bodhrán player.
——————————————————————————————————
What is the difference between a bodhrán player and a terrorist?

Terrorists have sympathisers.
——————————————————————————————————
Bodhrán care is simple… Rub gently with lighter fluid and ignite.

Re: Any Good Bodhran Jokes? (Bodhran players need not apply). 🙂

The 1st one is a classic.

I also like:

"How can you tell when a bodhran player is at your door?"

"The knocking keeps getting faster and faster and faster…"

Re: Any Good Bodhran Jokes? (Bodhran players need not apply). 🙂

wht’s the difference between a bodhran and an onion ?
when you cut a bodhran up, nobody cries…

Re: Any Good Bodhran Jokes? (Bodhran players need not apply). 🙂

It’s been sed for other instruments before, but ….

If you’re driving down the road and see a bodhran player and a taxman from the IRS crossing the road, which one would you run over first ?


The taxman.




Always business before pleasure.

Re: Any Good Bodhran Jokes? (Bodhran players need not apply). 🙂

or:

What’s the difference between a bodhran and a trampoline ?

You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline.

Re: Any Good Bodhran Jokes? (Bodhran players need not apply). 🙂

What do you call a bodhran at thebottom of the River Thames ?

A good start.

Re: Any Good Bodhran Jokes? (Bodhran players need not apply). 🙂

What’s the difference between a bodhran player and a guitarist?

At least the guitarist gets thrown out by a girlfriend.

Re: Any Good Bodhran Jokes? (Bodhran players need not apply). 🙂

And again…

This musician was struggling back from the pub after a session quite late at night and he was a little worse for wear due to the one of two halves of shandy he’d had while playing. Of a sudden he came across an old curiousity shop that had its lights on and was still open.

Somehow or other he convinced himself that a model rat he could see in the window would be just the thing for his mantelpiece. He was a little squiffy, after all. Anyways, he went in and bought this litle porcelain rat, complete with a little crown on its head and set off again for home.

As he walked along the canal towpath, however, he began to hear the patter of tiny feet behind him. At first, he ignored it, then as it grew louder he began to walk faster. Eventually he looked behind and saw a vast mass of rats swarming down the towpath towards him and about to engulf him. Just before they swept over him, he took the rat from his shoulder and hefted it straight into the canal, it finally dawning on him that he was carrying the king of the rats. The mass of rats dived straight in after the model, a continuous blanket swarming to their deaths. In just a few moments they were all gone, drowned in the water.

The shaking musician ran back to the shop and, finding it still open, grabbed the shopkeeper by the lapels.
‘Tell me!’ he cried, ‘Do you have a model bodhran ?’

Re: Any Good Bodhran Jokes? (Bodhran players need not apply). 🙂

What should you do if you accidentally run over a bodhrán player? Back up.

***

A customer walks into the brand new branch of LiDL in Carrick-on-Shannon and discovers that it sells brains. There are three glass cases, each containing a nice wet quivering grey brain. The first has a label bearing the word "electrician", and it costs €100. The second says "scientist" and costs €1000. The third says "bodhrán player" and costs €10,000. The customer is confused, and questions the salesperson. "I don’t get it… why would I want a bodhrán player’s brain for €10,000 when I can get an scientist’s brain for €1000?". The salesman replied, "Because it’s never been used."

***

A youngwoman was walking along O’Connell Street when she heard a sudden "Psst! Down here!"

She looked down and saw a frog sitting by the curb. The frog says to her, "Hey, if you kiss me I’ll turn into a world famous bodhrán player and make you rich beyond your wildest dreams" She thought for a moment and reached down, grabbed the frog and stuffed it in her pocket.

A woman standing nearby witnessed the whole event and said, "What did you do that for?"

The girl replied, "I’m not stupid. I know a talking frog is worth heaps more than a famous bodhrán player any day!"

***

"Mummy, mummy, when I grow up I want to be a bodhrán player."

"Pipe down, kid, you can’t do both."

***

How many bodhrán players does it take to change a light bulb?

20. One to hold the bulb and the remaining 19 to drink until the room spins.

***

What’s the difference between a foot massage and a bodhrán player?

One bucks up the feet and the other ….

***

What do you call a bodhrán at the bottom of the ocean?

A start.

***

How do you get two bodhránistas to play in time?

Shoot one of them

***

What’s the difference between a bodhrán player and a vacuum cleaner?

You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.

***

How can you tell if a bodhrán player has been doing a crossword?

All the squares have been coloured in.

***

A man goes on holiday to the Aran Islands. As the boat nears Inishmore, he notices the constant sound of a bodhrán coming from the island. As he gets off the boat, he asks the first local inhabitant he sees how long the drumming will go on. The resident casts about nervously and says "It’s very bad when the bodhrán stops."

At the end of the day, the bodhrán is still going and is starting to get on his nerves. So, he asks another resident when the drumming will stop. Said resident acts as if he’s just been reminded of something very unpleasant. "Something terrible happens when the bodhrán stops," he says, and hurries off.

After a couple of days with little sleep, our visitor is finally fed up, grabs the nearest resident, slams him up against a tree, and shouts "What happens when the bodhrán stops?!!"

"Banjo solo."

***

Two salesmen are in a bar. One says to the other, "I bet you I can relate to anyone in this bar, I’m such a good salesman." The other replies, "You think so, huh? Well, sure. But I pick the guys." "Ok," says the first, "you’re on."

The other grabs the guy sitting at the table next to them and tells the first salesman, "Here, this one." This first subject is dressed in a three-piece suit and is carrying a copy of ‘The Village’. The salesman asks him, "What’s your I.Q.?" "190." So they chat for a while about the stock market, particle physics, and Non-Euclidean geometry.

"Ok," says the other salesman, "That was pretty good, but you still have two to go." He looks around and grabs a guy dressed in jeans, a tee-shirt, and a baseball cap worn backwards. The salesman asks him "What’s you’re I.Q.?" "About 100." So they chat for a while about hurling, cars, and Roy Keane’s managerial career.

"Fine," says the other salesman, "But there’s still one to go." He goes to the back of the bar and grabs a really scummy looking guy in a greatcoat and shorts. The salesman asks him "What’s your I.Q.?" "About 60." "What kind of tipper do you use?"

***

OK, I’ll get my coat.

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Re: Any Good Bodhran Jokes? (Bodhran players need not apply). 🙂

Q: How many Bodhran players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Six, one to hold the bulb and 5 to drink until the room spins

Q: How many Bodhran players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Who gives a sh!te, it’s the melody players’ job to know when to change….HUP!

Re: Any Good Bodhran Jokes? (Bodhran players need not apply). 🙂

bad night at the pub?

Re: Any Good Bodhran Jokes? (Bodhran players need not apply). 🙂

WOW - VERY GOOD -JIM,,,

Re: Any Good Bodhran Jokes? (Bodhran players need not apply). 🙂

What do you use to play a bodhran with?

A knife.

Re: Any Good Bodhran Jokes? (Bodhran players need not apply). 🙂

Incidentally, I like bodhrans!

In the interest of fair play…

What do fiddlers use for birth control?

Their personalities.

Re: Any Good Bodhran Jokes? (Bodhran players need not apply). 🙂

What’s a fiddle? A bodhran that doesn’t work very well.
What’s a banjo? A bodhran that’s been child-locked.

Re: Any Good Bodhran Jokes? (Bodhran players need not apply). 🙂

um, a bodhran tune called kess the arse?

Re: Any Good Bodhran Jokes? (Bodhran players need not apply). 🙂

Why are bodhran players not employed to drive yobs away?
They’d get a mass of recruits.

Re: Any Good Bodhran Jokes? (Bodhran players need not apply). 🙂

So, in answer to the original post, no.

Re: Any Good Bodhran Jokes? (Bodhran players need not apply). 🙂

What do you call a bodhran player with no girlfriend?
Homeless

What have a premature ejaculation and a bodhran player got in common?
You can see both coming a mile away but can do f**k all about it!

Re: Any Good Bodhran Jokes? (Bodhran players need not apply). 🙂

try this:

if you know hot, you’ll understand cold
if you know hard, you’ll understand soft
if you know good, you’ll understand bodhran

Re: Any Good Bodhran Jokes? (Bodhran players need not apply). 🙂

How are bodhrans more useful than other instruments?
You can boil them up for swill.

Re: Any Good Bodhran Jokes? (Bodhran players need not apply). 🙂

What does a bodhran player look at all the time?
What the other one’s doing.

Re: Any Good Bodhran Jokes? (Bodhran players need not apply). 🙂

What’s the difference between an ordinary bodhran and the moon?
There isn’t any. The bodhran player will lose his advance either way.

Re: Any Good Bodhran Jokes? (Bodhran players need not apply). 🙂

Dealer: "This bodhran’s fifty quid. But really, it’s a priceless work of art."

Bodhran player: "Great - I’ll bash the hell out of it!.."

Re: Any Good Bodhran Jokes? (Bodhran players need not apply). 🙂

Who really discovered the relativity of time?
The first bodhran player to play with Northumbrian pipers.

Re: Any Good Bodhran Jokes? (Bodhran players need not apply). 🙂

Why are there so few good bodhran jokes? Because there are so few good bodhrans.

Re: Any Good Bodhran Jokes? (Bodhran players need not apply). 🙂

Why was the moon expelled from Earth?
Because it looked too like a bodhran…

Re: Any Good Bodhran Jokes? (Bodhran players need not apply). 🙂

Best ceilidh band line-up?
6 musicians and a drummer.

Re: Any Good Bodhran Jokes? (Bodhran players need not apply). 🙂

A variation on the "brains" one above:
Man goes into a butcher’s shop and sees brains on sale - pipers’ brains $5/lb, fiddlers’ brains $10/lb, bodhran players’ brains $50/lb.
He says "how come the bodhran players’ brains are so expensive?"
The butcher says "do you know how many we’ve got to kill to get a pound?"

Re: Any Good Bodhran Jokes? (Bodhran players need not apply). 🙂

Q: What’s easier to unload— a truck full of bowling balls, or a truck full of bodhrans?
A: Bodhrans, because you can use a pitchfork.

Q: What’s the only thing more satisfying than seeing seven bodhrans in a trash can?
A: Seeing one bodhran in seven trash cans.

Q: What’s the difference between a flat tire and a bodhran?
A: One makes an irregular thumping sound, is difficult to work with and interferes with smooth progress, and the other, uhhh, err, uhhhh, hmmm…

Q: If you’re going to put a bodhran player into a blender, do you put him in head first or feet first?
A: Head first, so you keep the beat going as long as possible.

Q: How do you know when the floor of the pub isn’t quite level?
A: When only one side of the bodhran player’s mouth drools.

Q: When does the session leader kick the bodhran player out?
A: When the bodhranista asks "When are we going to play MY tunes?"

Q: What’s the difference between endangered tropical rainforest mahogany and a bodhran?
A: I don’t have mahogany in my fireplace.

Re: Any Good Bodhran Jokes? (Bodhran players need not apply). 🙂

What’s a bodhran player’s nightmare?
Three Northumbrian pipers and a sitar player playing Balkan music, and a tabla player who can keep time with all of them.

Re: Any Good Bodhran Jokes? (Bodhran players need not apply). 🙂

Q:what is the definition of Perfect Pitch?

A: to throw a Bodhran Player down a deep well without him/ her hitting the sides

Re: Any Good Bodhran Jokes? (Bodhran players need not apply). 🙂

What have true Irishmen and dead goats got in common. One simply dies and one wishes to be reincarnated. Outcome is both parties always end up in pubs getting the sh*t bet out of them

Re: Any Good Bodhran Jokes? (Bodhran players need not apply). 🙂

Q: Is a Bodhran player a musician?
A: Is a barnacle a ship?

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