Ronald Reagan-Carl Sagan-San Diegan-Pagan Blues
After reading all of the replies to Guitar 101’s question about the religious beliefs of members of this web site, I began looking for the following song and I have finally found it.
Paul J. Willett (who wrote the words in 1982) lives in Los Angeles, California. This song is supposed to be sung to the tune of "The Richter Scale" (yes, the Richter who invented a scale for measuring earthquakes).
Signing up for graduate school turned out to be an ordeal.
Forms and cards and questionnaires, each one of them some big deal.
When finally the last form I saw I got a tad irate.
My religious preference they wanted me to state.
I am a Ronald Reagan-Carl Sagan-San Diegan-Pagan.
Every other Tuesday though, I worship Israel’s Begin.
My sect is quite a singular one, my feelings are devout.
I want my group known ‘round the school, I want to have some clout.
The response was new to them, it put them in a dither.
Bureaucrats went scurrying ‘round, running yon and hither.
Finally came the section head to look into the row.
Came to me and made her stand, she said she wished to know,
"Are you a Ronald Reagan-Carl Sagan-San Diegan-Pagan?
Who every other Tuesday will worship Israel’s Begin?
Have you gone mad? Have you gone nuts? Could you have had a fit?
I’m sending you upstairs to see my boss. Be done with it!"
And so I went to see the man in charge of registration.
When I got done he started typing up his resignation.
His final words to me before he totally lost his mind
Were, "We’ll all be doomed if we don’t stop perversions of your kind."
"You are a Ronald Reagan-Carl Sagan-San Diegan-Pagan.
You hold a service twice a month to worship Israel’s Begin.
This situation I can’t judge, it just might be obscene.
All I can do with this case now is send it to the Dean.
And so I worked my way through the bureaucratic system.
At every stage their system crashed as my religion blitzed ‘em.
Advisors, deans, and chancellors all saw their plans break down,
‘Till at last I hit the top and met with Jerry Brown.
"So you’re the Ronald Reagan-Carl Sagan-San Diegan-Pagan!
Why do you meet once in a while to worship Israel’s Begin?
Why can’t you be a normal man and join a normal sect?
Like TM, Zen, the Druids, Scientology, or EST?
Just then a great disaster struck and forced my church to collapse.
Earthquakes took our San Diego, wiping it from the maps.
Sagan’s "Cosmos" royalties caused him to lose his head.
Reagan became senile, so I think my gods are dead.
I’m into Mister Magoo-R2D2-Do-As-I-Do-Voodoo,
Every week we have a meeting where we praise Cthulhu.
They found no problems with that when I went to re-apply.
I’m in the program even though I can’t determine why!