Announcing the ‘Sound of Own Voice Index’ for contributors to The Session website
Periodically, some contributors to this site, particularly those apparently carrying out some kind of sentry role, appear to get fixated with the ratio of submitter composed tunes to total tunes submitted by the same member. Drawing on inscriptions from the sacred FAQ (apparently some sort of two thousand year old parchment embodying all the Laws of Traditional Music, much of which has which has sadly faded, thereby requiring its periodic reinvention) it has been divined that one ‘own’ tune offset by new five submissions of traditional tunes is harmonious and magical but anything greater than the ratio 0.166667 provokes extended periods of chanting and ritual postings to The Site.
Should any contributor exceed the ratio 0.5 then their pseudonym is ritually stripped from them and stones are thrown at their house. To regain their privileges such miscreants are forced to attend a meeting of the Full Membership of the Session and play all the 38 variations of the Mason’s Apron in under two minutes thirty seconds on a traditional instrument the type of which is only revealed to them five minutes before their examination begins (and which they must also tune, without resorting to the use of any electronic devices).
Finding the five authentically ‘Traditional’, but as yet unposted tunes, presents in effect five Holy Grail type quests. The Session now contains over 12,000 tune submissions. Every tune known to man has already been posted, sometimes more than once. I once set out on a field trip to locate an authentic but as yet unpublished traditional tune and after three months wandering around the backroads of Kerry, I thought I had finally found one: In exchange for several drinks to improve the memory I was allowed to sit and listen to one lilting through of an ‘authentic’ Kerry polka apparently not played anywhere since the 1950s which had been handed down to my informant by his Great Uncle Robert who had himself apparently travelled extensively to work in the construction industry. I carefully recorded and then meticulously transcribed this rarity and brought my ABC script, trembling to the ‘Submit a tune’ section of the website. I was stopped in my tracks, however, when my three year old grandson insisted that tune was in fact the theme tune to the children TV programme ‘Bob the Builder’
It seems therefore that there really are no more original traditional tunes left.
However this does not seem to stop some contributors to The Session posting a considerable volume of comments, some of which are even interesting.
To offset the fixation with ‘own’ submitted tunes, I have now officially launched the ‘Sound of Own Voice Index’
This is constructed as follows:
For a given member, count the total number of comments submitted by them to the Session. Then subtract from this the total number of tunes, recordings and sessions they have submitted (this is on the basis that it is reasonable to submit one comment against any useful offering of a tune, recording or session details on site). Then divide this by the same total number of tunes, recordings and sessions they have submitted.
The result is a ratio of extra comments to useful submissions as an index.
Anybody with an index greater than 3 should probably be avoided when encountered sitting next to an empty seat in a pub.
Anybody with an index greater than 5 will probably start following you should you leave the pub
Be warned! Be prepared! Now check your own score on this site 🙂