Inspired by the recent Fiddle Jokes thread …
"Your timing is so bad, it’s not a metronome you need. It’s a feckin calendar."
(to fiddle/piccolo/whistle player) : "You have a tone that could cut glass."
Fan of fiddle player playing a slow air : "Oh Lord, he plays with such feeling!"
Cynic : "Yes, Jeezuz, he’s feeling for the feckin notes while we have to feckin listen."