Jack Gilder’s Beard & the fairies
After the mess left around here and in my head, last nights invasion, I really have doubts that these pests are what they claim to be, ‘fairies’. They keep pulling on my beard, the only hair left on my head, and one bit my left hand and drew blood. I’ve suspicions, and that’s in keeping with the season, that they might really be pookahs. Anyway, they phoisted this melody on my head, bombarded me with it and I just couldn’t get rid of them or it. Even going for a late night run in the cold wind didn’t work. What also has me in doubt about these creatures is their morality. Is there such a thing as ‘born again’ amongst these sorts, or Catholics, because they say I have to do penance for having made fun of Jack Gilder’s beard. Who me? I gave them Mark Anderson’s information, the infamous ‘Dow’. But Jack, these friends of yours, why me? You hang around with some really strange folk. Why’d you sick ‘em on me? What did I ever do to you? Why not ‘Dow’ or Will or ‘Vermouth’ or ‘grego’ or - ? Anyway, if it’s really daggy, they must be Pookahs and maybe even an Australian branch. I thought that accent was a put on. There is ‘humour’ in this damned thing, including poking fun at ‘barndances’. If it’s brilliant and irrisistable, well, "What fairies?" Maybe some flash Hollywood producer will ask to use it for a big budget movie version of the ‘Hobbit’ and I’ll make a fortune… I’ll remember you all if there’s a call for a Star Wars style pub session.
On second thought, maybe you’re innocent here Jack, as they showed up just as I was trying to write a Limerick about Jimmy Troy…but then why make me suffer giving birth to this tune?
ceolachan, I think it’s past your bed-time.
Great tune, by the way. Made me laugh.
It made me laugh too. Nice tune.
Jack Gilder’s Beard:
Uh… I’m honored. My wife says it makes her think of me dancing about in my night-shirt. (sorry about that image in your head) Fair play to ya ceolachan.
YOU’RE THE MAN WHO BROKE INTO MY HOUSE BY CLIMBING DOWN THE CHIMNEY ONE CHRISTMAS! Except you were wearing an even sillier hat.
Dear One Who’s no reason for clause,
On that adjective weird for Jack’s beard,
When Jack’s wife, who is dear,
Does the trim in good cheer,
Oh so skillfully deft twixt each pause.
While you poke fun at this very cause,
Do you really intend this as smeared,
On spreading as feared,
With that adjective weird,
Down under and all over Oz?
Oh poor soul misdirected, conspired,
Would you also slur Walt Whitman’s beard?
Back to the future - - -
PLACE: Alice Springs, Australasia - a Billybong in the ‘park’
TIME: 2024 - Christmas
SOURCE: A swagman the locals refer to as ‘Old Dowser’. Most of his teeth were missing but I’m told not from rot or disease but because of picking fights in pubs. His face is bearded and that and his hair is quite long and unkempt. As well as having a short fuse, vacillating between good cheer and laughter and a nasty mood of swearing and cussing, he’s quite ripe, smelly, his breath is rank, and it is difficult to spend too much time with him.
STYLE: - of delivery - Lilting or diddling, with a preponderance of "dowdle" and "daggydiddledow" in use, download the recording as and example.
TUNE FORM: Heavily skipped, what one informant said must be a ‘clog’.
HISTORY: This particular lilt of his, done with a grimace, appears to be a variant of a once popular tune associated with film, from a pub scene in a fantasy-horror sequel "The Hobbits Revenge".
NAME: Old Dowser’s name for this, though not clear and obviously the source of much aggravation, was "Weird Beer".
|:d2 f>d A>F D2|B2 G>F G2 G2|c2 e>c B>A F2|d2 f>d A2 F2|
d2 f>d A>F D2|B2 G>F G2 G2|c2 e>c B>AF>A|d2 d2 d4:|
|:f>d A2 D2 f2|g>d B2 G2 g2|e>Af>A g>Ac>e|f>dA>F D>FA>d|
f>d A2 D2 f2|g>d B2 G2 g2|a>fg>e f>de>c|(3ded d2 d4:|
NOTE: This was transcribed from the source with some difficulty as he tended to slightly gurgle or burble the tune, so it is likely we’ve missed quite a lot, not even made any clearer by slowing down the recording. The sound he tended to produce was something akin to the Northumbrian small pipes, still played in parts of New Zealand and Queensland. This is thus in a ‘simplified’ form, just the ‘gist’ of the melody.
The New Australasia Archaeological Team
Professor Chuang Tzu
hahahaha *ahem* you’re in deep poo poo when Dow sees this you realize.
From the toothless one
Well what can I do but lol to myself?!
You made me have a bad dream last night. I dreamt my teeth fell out and I was trying to glue them all back in, but the glue wouldn’t stick so I just had to put them in place and make sure I didn’t swallow them or move my head around too much.
Had you thought of giving your tune a little knock from the side? Not too hard. Just enough to shunt it across enough so you can wipe that Guinness from underneath it… just enough to mess with the barline placements and "clog it up" a little! Skip rhythm is omitted for simplicity’s sake:
T:Weird Beer (Dow’s "Clogged Up" Mix)
|:de|(3fed AF DFBA|(3GAG FG E2cd|(3edc BA GECE|DEFG A2de|
(3fed AF DFBA|(3GAG FG E2cd|(3edc BA GECE|D2d2 D2:|
|:(3fed|(3ABA FA f2 (3gfe|BAGB g2ed|caBg AfGe|de (3dcB A2 (3fed|
(3ABA FA f2 (3gfe|BAGB g3^g|aA^GA B=geg|d2f2 d2:|
I tried to submit this, but Jeremy pulled it: ‘The Weird Beer Clog’ - alias ‘The Mark of the Coggie’
|:d>e|(3fed A>F D>FB>A|(3GAG F>G E2 c>d|(3edc B>A G>EC>E|DEFG A2 d>e|
(3fed A>F D>FB>A|(3GAG F>G E2 c>d|(3edc B>A G>EC>E|D2 d2 D2:|
|:(3fed|(3ABA F>A f2 (3gfe|B>AG>B g2 e>d|c>aB>g A>fG>e|d>e (3dcB A2 (3fed|
(3ABA F>A f2 (3gfe|B>AG>B g3^g|a>A^G>A B>=ge>c|d2 f2 d2:|
A composition by Mark Anderson, alias ‘Dow’ - - -
From the archaicological ‘dig’, or should I say ‘dag’, of ‘Jack Gilder’s Beard’:
I did make some attempt, ha!, to contact the author before submitting his tune, but am told he can be difficult to find, or was that difficult to correspond with? Besides, I can’t just yet afford another field trip to Alice Springs. ;-P (smilie in his honour!)
NOTE: There was some lack of security with regards to part deux, bar sept, where there was argument between the daggers as to whether it was or should read on beat quatre - as some insisted: ‘|~ B>=ge>g|’ or as those of us further along with our pints and thus more bolchy offer it here, as ‘|~ B>=ge>c|’. Whatever, the damage is now committed. The real question is, will Jeremy see it as different enough to allow it a place of its own?
‘The Mark of the Cloggie’ - with Basil Rathbone as Sherlock Holmes, Mark Anderson as the administering Dr. Watson, Moriarty believed to be one Jack Gilder, the mysterious Vermouth laden ‘Black Narcissus’ an unnamed Harley street starlet, an inspector Clouseau played Will Harman, ‘To-to’ the terrier was acted by the Malemut ‘Ceolachan’ - - - and a host of other notables including the makeup team and special effects, a list too long to list…
You’re right hawkeyes - that note was supposed to be a ‘c’ not a ‘g’. As you know I am wont to writing lists and categorizing things obsessively (much to the annoyance of some people here at thesession!), and if I believe that something should be separated off and classified accordingly, I’ll whinge incessantly at whoever’s in charge until I get my own way :-) However, in this case, I believe that my transcription belongs here in the comments section of your tune as like a sort of "subtune" as opposed to a variation or setting, given that I only wrote about a bar of it. The rest is your tune simply shunted left by one crotchet’s worth. Think of it like you’re looking at Jack’s beard from a different angle.
“How Pleasant to Know Mr. Gilder”
How pleasant ot know Mr. Gilder!
Who has written such volumes of stuff!
Some think him ill-tempered and queer,
But a few think him pleasant enough.
His mind is concrete and fastidious,
His nose is remarkably big;
His visage is more or less hideous,
His beard it resembles a wig.
He has ears, and two eyes, and ten fingers,
Leastways if you reckon two thumbs;
Long ago he was one of the singers,
But now he is one of the dumbs.
He sits in a beautiful parlour,
With hundreds of books on the wall;
He drinks a great deal of Marsala,
But never gets tipsy at all.
He has many friends, lay men and clerical,
Old Foss is the name of his cat;
His body is perfectly spherical,
He weareth a runcible hat.
When he walks in waterproof white,
The children run after him so!
Calling out, "He’s gone out in his night-
Gown, that crazy old Fransiscan, oh!"
He toots by the side of the ocean,
He toots on the top of the hill;
He purchases pancakes and lotion,
And chocolate shrimps from the mill.
He reads, but he cannot speak, Spanish,
He cannot abide ginger beer:
Ere the days of his pilgrimage vanish,
How pleasant to know Mr. Gilder!
adapted so slightly from
"How Pleasant to Know Mr. Lear" -
from "The Complete Nonsense Book", 1912
“Jack Gilder’s Beard” ~ apologies, an oversight
Out of consideration for the named ~
R: barndance (played with swing ‘>’)
K: D Major
|: (3ABc |
(3dcd fd AFDF | BG (3GFG G4 | (3cBc ec BAFA | (3dfe (3dcB Aa^ga |
(3dcd fd AFDF | BG (3GFG G4 | (3cBc ec BAFA |1 d2 A2 D2 :|
2 d2 A2 Da^ga ||
|: fdAF Df^ef | gdBG Dgfg | eAfA gAeA | (3dfe (3dcB Aa^ga |
fdAF Df^ef |1 gdBA G4 | a2 ^g2 =ge (3cBA | d2 A2 Da^ga :|
2 gdBG Db^ab | afge fdec | (3dcB (3AG/F/E D2 ||